The Couple’s Comfort book

John Gottman says that for a relationship to thrive it requires five positive interactions for every one negative. Between parenting our four children, busy work schedules, overflowing garbage bins, and our 1 year old up in the night (and then ready for the day at 4am) it’s easy for most of Neil and my interactions to be logistical, quick, tactical - “can you set the table?”, “he needs to poo!”, “who’s going to fill the car up with gas?”. We’re lucky, and grateful, they’re not overly negative, but by the time the kids are asleep we’re exhausted and there’s little time for the five positive interactions we want and need!

The Couple’s Comfort Book by Jennifer Louden is chock-full of ideas on how to nourish a relationship - a whole section called “But There’s Nothing To Do!” (with light hearted ideas like “play hide and seek around your neighbourhood”), deeply emotional suggestions for “Nurturing during Crisis and Loss” and ideas on “Releasing Resentment” and “How to Have a Nurturing Fight”.

Such a delight to read with an endearingly quirky sense of humour, accessible to pick up and quickly tuck away a tidbit, and definitely something I know I will be coming back to over and over again for the rest of our lives.